I, in my one and a half years of working at this place, have seen people skilled in licking asses of others. Asses of different shapes and sizes. Sometimes, looking at these people, I could not help but wonder how ungrounded they were, how they had nothing to stand for and by, as if licking asses could actually guarantee their promotion, or better life or something else. I festered, when I saw how, with each time they stooped so low as to lick ass, they did not realize how piece by piece they lost themselves. How a part of them kept dying. How in the end, they would have lost reality on who they really are, who they were in the beginning, and would not recognize who they are now, later. Perhaps they did this to fill a void in their lives, or they just did it out of pretenses and malice. Some got their way, and others, others are still waiting for that day their ass licking will actually pay off.
So this colleague of mine is the king of ass licking. Dude can wipe, wash, pat dry and lick ass. For him, his ass licking actually paid off. He got the promotion he did not deserve, at the expense of stepping and hurting other people’s toes. And each day I converse with him, I do not recognize who he is anymore. And I wonder whether he feels the void I feel for him. I wonder, whether in his contemptible promotion, he senses the loneliness he has decided to wade away by being churlish to his juniors. I wonder whether he recognizes the hate that masks itself as love, and displays itself as ass licking from the people he used to consider his peers. I wonder, whether in his posh new office, he realizes what he has lost, and tries to make up for it in some other way.
And in him I realized just how big of grabbing hands ass licking has. It grabs but never really gives. Even though on the outside it might fool one to think that the rewards are worthy, they are actually futile. And although it does pay off, albeit temporarily, it rips you apart of your own soul, sole and self. You lose your identity. You stand ungrounded. You live for others- to please them and not yourself. You sacrifice bits and pieces of yourself, so much so that eventually, no one, not even you, recognize who you are anymore. And in the end, one is left wondering, was it really worth it? What did it really gain you, to lose your sole soul, and be solely sold?
When My Pen meets My Paper 